No Autographs, Please

In utter desperation, the MDCOC co-ed softball team needed an emergency substitute. SC asked if I had ever played softball.  Yeah, some 20-odd years ago, for a ragtag team that never won a game.  Great, he said, I'll put you on the list.  (Lita, Lita, Lita, when will you ever learn to JUST SAY NO?)

So I got the text around 3:00 p.m. -- You're On!  To which I replied -- Crap!

Obviously God did not see fit to answer my Plan A prayer for the ailing player to recover. Now for the Plan B prayer, "Please don't let me fracture a bone or throw my shoulder out or make a total fool of myself."

Being the oldest player on the team, I got to choose my fielding and batting positions. Right field, batting 10th.  Also, due to my oldest player status, I did not get heckled.  At least if I did, I couldn't hear it...one of the perks of getting old.

The first team had too many lefties, and I was forced to field the ball.  I could hear the screams, "home, home, home!"  Are you kidding me????  It's 17 miles from right field to home.  I'll just throw the ball as far as I can and hope it lands closer to the diamond than it was when it left my hand.

I was actually on base several times (thanks SC for the free walk).  At one point, I was standing on 3rd and my coach's instructions included:  "run as fast as you can, and if you flail your arms, you'll scare the catcher."  That shouldn't be much of a departure from my typical running style.

So, all in all, I think it was a pretty good night.  I had fun, which seems to be the ultimate goal of the team.  And I didn't have to curl up in a fetal position in the crater in right field. Bonus--I was able to get out of bed this morning.

Now.  If I just had someone to lift my coffee cup and bring me some Advil.